Bye Bye Blackberry

I did it. I kicked the Blackberry habit. Call me crazy or call me out of touch, but if you e-mail me, be prepared to wait for a reply. I was tired of the spam and the butt dials (technically, it was my purse calling everyone) and the addiction of checking e-mail every time the light blinked. I surfed and used it for directions and to get last minute information many times, but it was a crutch.

It had been on my mind to move to another mobile device for a while, but I could not quite give up the Blackberry. The day after Christmas, as I was headed out for a hike, my hand slipped and I accidentally tossed the thing across the kitchen. The screen went black for good. Some say there are no accidents.

So before I went to the store to replace it, I took that hike. I was totally unconnected on the mountain preserve for a good hour or so. I didn't really need to check e-mail or the news out there in the desert anyway. It was a gift to be fully present and unaccessible.

My new phone is just a phone with a great keyboard for texts. I can add the internet option and other bells and whistles later. Heck, in a few months I might be ready for an I-gadget or Droid. For now I plan to enjoy the peace of electronic simplicity.

The Recycled Bookshelf

Every now and then I go through the bookshelf to clear some books and just see what's on there. It's easy to overlook books that have been there for 20 years, and even easier to forget just why I have kept them. Sometimes I re-read the books. Sometimes I don't have to. Sometimes they help me remember who I was when I first read them. Sometimes they contain the perfect message for today, just dusty.

One kooky little book that always survives the bookshelf clean-out is Parables from Other Planets: Folktales of the Universe by Hugh and Gayle Prather, published in 1991. It reminds me of how timeless some messages are and how examples and stories (even stories with lots of made-up words) can be the most compelling ways to make any point.

Here's a snippet from this book that I find especially appropriate: "What will the future hold for you? Only the love you give today...The only recognizable artifact on this abandoned world is [that] message, carved in huge furrows on the planet's desiccated and ruined surface."

Election Day

I love Election Day. It's not that the political campaigning (robocalls, ugly street signs and TV ads) will be coming to an end, although that is an added bonus. It's not even about winning or losing. It's the vote that I love. I know people who don't vote for whatever reason: "I'm not political," or "I don't want to be called for jury duty," or "I don't have time to be an informed voter," or "What is one vote, anyway?." But I have a brother in Afghanistan who is away from his family at least a year at a time doing difficult work in a difficult environment so this democracy can stand. The least I can do is vote.

My mom is an election worker and has been for as long as I can remember. She is always there to check people in at their small precinct and give them a ballot. One year tornados and thunderstorms were rolling through the area and the polls never closed. Neighbors checked in on the election workers all day, bringing them flashlights and food to keep the polls open so everyone would have a chance to cast their ballot.

Voting in the United States is a graceful way to make our voices heard. Yes, marching in the street, blogging, tweeting, mailing letters all work, too. As communication channels go, the vote--the opportunity to vote, the right to vote, even the messy campaigning--is as eloquent as they get.

Trick or Re-Treat

I retreated last weekend to re-energize, rejuvenate, and remember where I'm going. I met an old friend in San Antonio, notebook in hand, and re-created all of those parts of my life and career that were ready for a makeover. My word of the year has been "replenish," so it was a perfect time to cap that off and begin to move into the new year.

The word retreat is multi-faceted. To retreat in the military sense is to fall back. In the every day sense, it often feels like running away. Then there is this break down: "re-treat," as in treat again. Treat itself can be an indulgence, as in sweet treats (or treating yourself) or medicinal as in to "treat" an illness. All of these meanings applied to my weekend.

I ran away from the everyday buzz of my life to get some perspective. I fell back to a more defensible position to get leverage for the next move. I treated myself to time with a good friend, good food, a few margaritas, and entertainment in a idyllic setting. And finally, I got the "treatment" I needed to cure any dis-ease I might have had.

The key to this retreat was the perspective and idea bouncing characteristics of my friend, who is also at a transitional phase in her life. Next time, we won't wait so long.

Imaginary Friends

Add another individual to the list that includes the Easter Bunny and the Great Pumpkin. "Perfect Communicators" exist only in our imaginations. Sure, you can see a great public speaker or be inspired by a conversation with your friend, but at times, everyone yells, offends or muddles a discussion.

I know executives who can inspire their teams to great heights except when they don't. I know other executives who can convey in writing incredibly complex issues but their e-mails sometimes leave me scratching my head. I know an amazing public speaker who is difficult to engage in a one-on-one conversation. I know talented coaches who sometimes have dud meetings.

Communication is everywhere, in hundreds of forms and happening every minute. No one can get all of that or even half of that right.

There, it's out there. Nobody's perfect. Now forgive yourself and your colleagues, family, and friends for communication miscues and get back to doing the best you can.

"I got new underwear!"

He yelled gleefully, "I got new underwear!"

The little boy and his sister were being guided into their daycare center and each grasped a plastic shopping bag. I passed them after leaving my own child and his smile was radiant as he shared his good news.

Why aren't we all so joyful about the small things that grace our lives? Truthfully, I feel pretty happy when I get new underwear myself, but I never think to tell anyone, least of all a complete stranger, "I got new underwear!"

How would I feel if I shouted about each of the gifts I have been given with pure wonder and gratitude?

I got two kids!
I got a husband!
I got health!
I got a job!
I got a full tummy!

How would the world feel if that little boy and I were just part of a crowd? What if everywhere you heard, "I got new underwear!"

Lead Like Columbus

So Columbus may not be the most-cited example of inspirational leadership, but, hey, it's his time of year and we will take the reminders of great leadership where we can get them. If you recall from elementary school, when Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492, he was not searching for the New World. He was actually looking for a better path to his goal, the Far East.

I think that too many of us want to make a better world or a new world instead of looking at what is great right now. We start imagining that amazing world and get caught up in the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Visioning and dreaming are fantastic tools for forward motion, but they aren't the only ones. What if you started with where you are? Look around. What's good about where you are? What's good about your current job? What do you currently do very well? Now, those things that are good, how can you do or have more of them? Can you do those same things in a different way or in a different context to get what you seek?

For instance, a client was positively enthralled by nonprofit work. Luckily, her company supported her efforts and she spent as much time as she could volunteering. When she got back to her own job, she was effective, but her spark wasn't there. She was not ready to hang up her current career and jump into the nonprofit world full-time, so we focused on all of the things that she loved about nonprofits (education, helping others better themselves, etc.) and looked for opportunities to bring them into her work. She took on mentoring both direct reports and others and put together brown bag lunches to help co-workers learn life skills she had made herself an expert in.

Columbus believed he could make it to his port, even through new and unknown seas. In his confidence, he stumbled onto something that changed the course of history. Sure, you might be working with a smaller scale, but who knows what surprises are awaiting the explorer in you. Happy sailing.

Humble Leadership

I witnessed a visioning session in an organization this week that was a remarkable demonstration of humble leadership. The founder, with a handful of staff, had built it from garage beginnings into a local powerhouse in its industry. The founder himself is a charismatic dynamo, whose hand touches everything but actually runs very little.

As he assembled the group of stakeholders, he reported that the goals of the last visioning document had been mostly completed and it was time to set new direction. He interviewed representatives of different programs on stage to review the success and results of those goals. Then he opened the floor to questions and answered all as well as he could.

I have participated and observed a number of these strategy and information-gathering sessions, and in many of them, the leader or leaders have their own agenda. They push the conversation one way or another, or expand upon one topic and brush over others. When I leave those sessions I always feel a little manipulated, as if we have all been pawns to add credence to someone else's big plans.

This man, clearly the driver of the organization's success, avoided all of those traps. Every question or comment was given equal consideration. When asked what he wanted, he simply said, "That's why we're here." He refrained from leading the group in any particular direction, and instead listened to what they had to say.

I am sure that when the document is drafted, his fingerprints will be all over it; that is his job. He will collect the information, his staff will assemble, refine and prioritize it. Then he will be the one to champion the plan and present it back to all of the stakeholders in a way that inspires them to believe.

The organization would probably follow him where ever he chose to lead, but by choosing to be humble in creating the vision, everyone can share the joys and challenges of the journey.

Crossing Guard

I have a special affection for crossing guards, especially those out on busy streets and intersections. Every school morning they are out there making sure kids and other pedestrians safely cross streets. I call them unsung safety heroes.

Now, I have seen crossing guards who yell or chastise unsafe drivers and I appreciate their vigilance. I have also seen cheerful crossing guards who, in addition to keeping their charges safe, also make it a point to give the drivers a cheerful start to their day with a wave and a smile. But what I saw this morning was exceptional.

As I drove SLOWLY through the school zone, the crossing guard--a woman with long, platinum hair, a floppy hat and shades--was greeting the drivers with a smile, her own special flourish as she waved me through as if I were the Queen of England, and a bow. I was really moved by her efforts to share joy through her job and I felt a teeny bit special for having cruised her street. Since I am on this joy-at-work kick, I deem her "joyful employee of the day." So what are you doing today to make those around you feel special?

Joy

I'm talking a lot about "joy" these days. Funny for an executive coach to spend so much time on joy, but it really is critical to communicating and leading.

Joy is different from happiness. Happiness is a situational emotion that comes and goes based on the life events we face. Joy is that deep-seated satisfaction with ourselves and our lives that lets us know, no matter what the situation, that we are going to be okay.

When I work with leaders on communication, I don't ask them to follow any specific formula to get their messages across. Instead, I ask them to walk with integrity, to care about the messages they are delivering, and to think about the people they are talking to. Each of these cornerstones of effective communication requires and/or creates joy.

Integrity is manifestation of your values; that alignment makes joy possible. The two richest ways to create joy in your own life are to care about people and to care about your actions. When you have alignment and caring, you have joy and you have the basic recipe for great communication.

One Job

Suppose your boss came to you tomorrow morning and told you she would give you a $100 bonus at the end of the day. The ONLY thing you have to do to receive the bonus is to be cheerful all day while doing your job. Could you do it? Would you give it a try?

Could you manage to keep smiling while your co-workers complain? What about your customers' demands for better pricing or more service, could you withstand that? Could you keep your inner glow of joy shining if someone sent an e-mail, copied to 27 people, that questioned your work?

No scowling, no complaining, no negative or sarcastic comments.

So what about home? What if your boss told you she would still give you the bonus if you could make it through a Saturday at home, not working, remaining cheerful all day. Does that make it easier? Or harder? Would you try?

No scowling, no complaining, no negative or sarcastic comments.

Now what if I told you that the rewards you could receive for such a day would be far more valuable than any bonus your boss could give: renewed relationships, improved health, a more positive outlook. Would you be willing to try an entire day of good cheer?

I am going to try and I challenge you to join me. If you haven't seen it yet, here's a bit of cheer that might help you get through the day. It makes me laugh out loud every time I see it.

Then Again, It Really Is All About Me

Yesterday's post applies to interpersonal, verbal communication. When it comes to social media, though, it is "all about me." Facebook, Twitter and blogs are the way folks express themselves and share what is going on. If your audience doesn't want to hear about it, they can simply log off.

I do believe the best company use of social media is all about the user, consumer or reader. That's why savvy companies offer coupons, discounts, or information through their social media.

So glad I got that off my chest so I can go back to blogging about myself!

It's Not About Me

"It's all about me!" Have you seen this on T-shirts or seen some teeny bopper on TV smugly say it as if it's an anthem? When I see or hear this phrase, it makes me sigh. Here is the only proper use of this phrase: Once you realize you have been droning on about yourself, you say, in embarrassment and as a joke to change the subject, "It's all about me!" Even in that situation, I prefer, "Enough about me, let's talk about something else."

I know it is a hip part of the current lexicon and I am decidedly un-hip. There is an edgy arrogance about the tongue-in-cheek statement of what we want to be true. Like "Girls Rule," or "Heartbreaker." I can appreciate the nose-thumbing at accepted protocol.

But there is a problem with "It's all about me." In our heads, it is usually true, but when we speak, there is (usually) at least one other person around. In communication, it is never about one person. Communication is about communing with another, so if you are saying "It's all about me," (even if you don't mean it) then they are thinking, "what an edgy, selfish prig," or "you're wrong, it's about me," if they are thinking about you at all.

Effective communication is actually about the other. When you wish to connect with another person, the best way to do so is to think about them first. What do they care about? What do they worry about? How is their day going? What matters to them? If you don't know the answers to any of these questions, then a question is a good place to start. "What was the best part of your weekend?" "I saw you were in that meeting this morning, what was your impression of the speaker?" If you are skilled at follow-up, you can get away with yes or no questions by asking what the yes or no answer means.

Talking and sharing is fun, and "It's all about me!" can really be a fun phrase to use in the right way. Just make sure you don't believe it, not for a minute. In communication, it's really all about us.

"joie de vivre"

This is Max. He calls himself a curmudgeon. I ask you, does this look like any curmdgeon you know?

Max is a dear friend and has been since I first moved to Arizona more than 14 years ago. Our spouses are friends, too, and our kids love each other. We count their family on the short list of "people we would enjoy being with for a week on a houseboat." (Just a little game my husband and I play in our free time.)

Max, "the curmudgeon," is also an artist. Check out his work at http://www.maxhammond.net/. He mostly creates big, beautiful abstract oil paintings, but through the years I have seen him create magic in campfires, kitchen renovations, computer graphics, and children. Max is the kind of person that can take a small group of perfectly peaceful children and whip them into a frenzy of joyful laughter in two minutes flat with his antics and funny voices.

Before this photo, he simply said, "Back flip off the front." I thought he was kidding. I mean, we are not as, um, young as we once were. But he nailed it, with a twist. When he saw the photo, he said, "It makes me want to go out and jump off again."

Maybe Max is a curmudgeon and maybe he isn't, I don't know. What I do know is that he is a person who lives in the moment enough to grab a rare opportunity to "back flip off the front," create laughing children, or generate strong emotions in people he doesn't know through his art. That, to me, defines "joie de vivre" and inspires me to smile a little. I may not try any flips today, but maybe I will skip a little on my way to my next meeting.

30 Second Rule

I have found that often I act too quickly. I am quick to jump in to solve any challenge, fix anything broken. While solving all of the problems in the world with my brand of wisdom makes me feel smart, it is not always the best for the other person. In attempting to change my reactionary behavior, I have a new rule. At the point when I want to jump into anything, I wait 30 seconds and then re-evaluate if my help is needed. It does not work for me to simply wait, I must replace action with action, so I count slowly to 30. Most issues resolve themselves in that 30 seconds. If the issue is not resolved, I jump in with a free conscience.

For example, if a colleague or client is late for a meeting, I will call. Often their phones are ringing as they walk in the door. A personal example is my husband's driving. I like to plan my lane changes; he changes when he is ready. Before politely reminding him of the exit, I count to 30. As a coach, I use this rule all of the time. As an objective outsider, sometimes a solution to the client's issue is as plain as day to me. If I tell what I see right away, many times the client cannot believe me because I am not "in the trenches," and often the process of solving the issue is what is more important than the actual answer they seek.

This is my rule, because I find that my pace is often quicker than others'. My make-up--and I like it because it drives my productivity--is high speed. I have often said, "I have two speeds: high and off." For someone who moves at a more even pace or someone with more patience, the 30-second rule would not make sense. Entrepreneurs and corporate movers and shakers are often like me, out to solve any problem that comes up. This is not good for your employees, if you want them to develop their skills and become more independent. Yes, they are going to be slower because they will not have the experience you do. Yes, they may make a mistake and yes, it might have a cost associated with it. But they will learn and they will discover their own abilities and may even have a boost in their self-confidence if they become one of the problem solvers.

There is one caveat, and that is discernment. There are situations where 30 seconds makes a big difference. As a leader, you have to know when the decision matters more than the development of another individual. If equipment will break if you don't stop the line now, or, of course, if someone could get hurt without your immediate involvement, then act right away. Otherwise, give the 30-second rule a try and see what happens. You might be impressed with how others come through.