"It's all about me!" Have you seen this on T-shirts or seen some teeny bopper on TV smugly say it as if it's an anthem? When I see or hear this phrase, it makes me sigh. Here is the only proper use of this phrase: Once you realize you have been droning on about yourself, you say, in embarrassment and as a joke to change the subject, "It's all about me!" Even in that situation, I prefer, "Enough about me, let's talk about something else."
I know it is a hip part of the current lexicon and I am decidedly un-hip. There is an edgy arrogance about the tongue-in-cheek statement of what we want to be true. Like "Girls Rule," or "Heartbreaker." I can appreciate the nose-thumbing at accepted protocol.
But there is a problem with "It's all about me." In our heads, it is usually true, but when we speak, there is (usually) at least one other person around. In communication, it is never about one person. Communication is about communing with another, so if you are saying "It's all about me," (even if you don't mean it) then they are thinking, "what an edgy, selfish prig," or "you're wrong, it's about me," if they are thinking about you at all.
Effective communication is actually about the other. When you wish to connect with another person, the best way to do so is to think about them first. What do they care about? What do they worry about? How is their day going? What matters to them? If you don't know the answers to any of these questions, then a question is a good place to start. "What was the best part of your weekend?" "I saw you were in that meeting this morning, what was your impression of the speaker?" If you are skilled at follow-up, you can get away with yes or no questions by asking what the yes or no answer means.
Talking and sharing is fun, and "It's all about me!" can really be a fun phrase to use in the right way. Just make sure you don't believe it, not for a minute. In communication, it's really all about us.
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