Great People: Kristine Woolsey, Woolsey Studio

Kristine Woolsey, by trade, is an architect and educator in Phoenix. However, if you have visited one of the homes she has designed or even spent time with her, you, like me, would probably think of her as an artist.

Kristine invited me on a tour of her homes once and I was—well, the only word is “moved” but it seems sadly lacking—when I walked into the spaces she had designed. I was not surprised, because I knew she was a gifted architect, but I did not expect the strength of positive emotion in the spaces she created.

Her spaces are like great art. When I walk into a gallery of exceptional work, the emotion can leap out and envelope me. It can be sadness, joy, cynicism, or irreverence, but the energy is palpable. When I walked into each of the Woolsey homes, confidence and a quiet joy leapt out at me. Again, those are not perfect words to express the exact feelings but if you can imagine a self-assured and contented home, then you are getting close. Each home was different in personality, but in each home there was an ease of fitting in the space, a flow, and a sense of natural health.

Afterwards, I remember telling Kristine that no matter what else she does in her life, she must always design and create spaces (as if she didn’t know that). Her gift is such an incredible one that the world would be less if she stopped working.

Kristine has been gracious enough to share her work with me, allow me to work with her team, welcome me into her home, and refer me to her colleagues. She is one of the entrepreneurs I have had the good fortune to work with that has helped me fully understand and appreciate the passion and the sacrifice of the business owner. Kristine’s gift of design stays with me and I remember it as I coach. Through her I see the great responsibility of our work: it is how we give back to the world. Kristine is living proof.

Thank you, Kristine.

Great People: Jim Phelps, Discover Financial Services

Call centers can be tough places to work. It can be a churn environment, where employees are easily replaced if they do not hit their benchmarks. Imagine for a moment what it is like to be a leader there…

Now imagine a leader who faces the challenges of a call center environment with a commitment to the employees, finding every opportunity to expose them to professional development—speakers, books, seminars, forums, and, yes, coaching. It is a risky endeavor to invest in the softer side of personnel management in a business so heavily dependent on numerical results. It requires courage and strength to balance both the inflexible financial goals and the endlessly malleable needs of people. Jim Phelps is this leader at Discover Financial Services, here in Phoenix.

Discover, who happens to have a number of people who have worked there for 20+ years (in this day and age!!!), provides its employees with educational opportunities both internally and externally. Jim refuses to let his employees get complacent about the opportunities available. He is a champion for continuing professional development and makes sure there are plenty of options available to Phoenix employees.

Jim also provides a model for community involvement, especially with Habitat for Humanity and Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. He devotes his time, his energy, and his handyman abilities whenever he gets the opportunity. With this commitment to service, Jim promotes a vision of the workplace as a means for personal and societal transformation.

I owe Jim a HUGE thank you for the wonderful coaching opportunities he has sent my way. The people from Jim’s team that I have worked with have been an inspiring group (see Coaching Clients blog). Jim’s commitment and courage to invest in those people inspire me.

Thank you, Jim.

Great People: Coaching Clients

There is really only one problem with being a coach, and that is my inability to tell the stories of the wonderful people I work with. Coach confidentiality demands that I keep the amazing stories to myself, so a grateful tribute to the folks who really help me make my personal contribution to the world is not as exciting as it should be.

I would like to share with you their stories of survival, their dreams of making the world a better place, their side-splitting anecdotes, their headaches, and most of all, their successes. They turned to me to get over a bump or improve their game or work out a relationship. They tell me “Mission Accomplished” and I can see it in their eyes and sense it in the way they walk. However, I wonder if they know how they have changed me as well.

Every coaching “job” is a relationship. Relationships are, by definition, a connection that runs both ways. Each coaching client changes me a little bit, too. I grow wiser, I learn new lingo, I explore organizational dynamics through a fresh angle, I hear about new restaurants, technologies, or other trends. After 10 years I can see that my new clients are benefitting greatly from my former clients’ influence on me.

Coaching is the gift I have been given to share, but it would be meaningless without someone to receive it. I am grateful for the opportunity to contribute to organizations and individual’s lives through coaching.

Thank you coaching clients.  

Great People: Nora Hannah, Experience Matters

Nora Hannah is a story teller. She is the Owner/CEO of Landiscor Aerial Information and Chief Consortium Officer at Experience Matters. Through the years, she has shared some extraordinary, some touching, and some compelling stories with me. Nora was one of the first people that Jim Myers put me in contact with 10 years ago. She mentored me early on and we worked together on various projects through the years. The most important story Nora told me, she told me by her actions: service is everyone's responsibility.

Nora is a leader in business, a mother, and a pillar of the community. She is a past Athena award winner, which pretty much equates her with Wonder Woman in my book. In fact, I was a guest at Nora's table for my first Athena Awards luncheon. Each nominee introduced was more amazing than the last: full-time, high-level jobs, healthy families, AND extraordinary service records. How did these women find time to brush their teeth? One of the last women was introduced with an incredible list of accomplishments. The final comment about her was that in her spare time, she liked to run marathons. Nora keeps good company.

Now that Nora's children are in college, she has expanded her already-impressive service resume to help run Experience Matters in Phoenix. (Check it out at experiencematteraz.org) I appreciate that Nora prioritizes service as just another facet of life--not reserved for Christmas, when your kids reach a certain age, church, or when you can afford to create a foundation--but every day in every aspect of our being. We all have something more to give and receive in connection with our greater community.

One of Nora's comments to me early on was that no matter how much you offer people, the first thing to remember is that they cannot be hungry. (Makes sense--I am not a reasonable person when my belly rumbles.) The first act of service my company took was to write a check to St. Mary's Food Bank. Any day when I feel lack, I try to write a check to St. Mary's to remember my blessings and share with others. My service has grown into other areas now and I have to credit Nora for that. Nora takes a long view of life and business. She sees the whole picture of how an individual fits with a company and how that company fits with a community. That vision is inspiring to me and a gift to the Valley.

Thank you Nora.

Great People? Thank You Anyway

My first client (who I will leave un-named for obvious reasons) turned out to be not-so-great. The work was not what I expected after we set the plan in place. They never paid what they agreed to. I spent months spinning my wheels on their project, but we got nowhere. Yet, I have much for which to be grateful to them.

First of all, I knew these folks at my old job, and when I told them I was leaving, they said, "Are you doing something on your own? If you do, we want to talk to you." I did not know at that time what I was going to do, but hearing those words from a business associate was a terrific vote of confidence in my half-baked plans.

Secondly, the slow unraveling of the relationship was a wake-up call about clear communication up front. We had a lovely contract in place to "keep the lawyers out," as the client said, but there was never any statement of work or outcomes or measures that I find so critical to my clients today. I knew we needed that kind of document but thought the relationship would make all of that "stuff" work out. Now, I protect the relationship with my clients by making sure of that "stuff" up front and in writing.

Finally, if something about the relationship with a prospective client feels off, I listen to my intuition. I set my intention, after my first client, to only work with wonderful people. I like to work with people who seek better communication because they want to positively impact the world for themselves and others. The people I work with have integrity and care about doing the right thing. I have been fortunate enough to have found dozens of such clients in my ten years.

In some blogs to come, I will mention some of these wonderful clients by name not only to thank them for their business, but also for being such great people. It is ironic that I owe a debt of gratitude for all of these great clients to the one who wasn't so great. So thank you un-named client, you set me on the right path.

Great People: Max Hammond, Artist Extraordinaire

I have written about Max Hammond before (check out last fall's "Backflip off the Front"), but there is always more to say about my entrepreneurial colleague, personal abstract artist, and friend.

Gesture, 2011

Being a full-time artist is no picnic, the starving artist metaphor is popular for a reason. Max has been creating fine art for more than two decades and his majestic, abstract paintings bear out his technical ability and artistic vision. Max, as an entrepreneur, has been my sounding board and a member of my advisory team since the beginning. Where I am a pragmatist, Max is a dreamer.  Our business vices and virtues compliment each other.

Max once painted a mural that took up half of a large public space--we're talking 360 degrees here in about 1000 square feet. Think of the vision it takes to imagine a plain space, with nooks and crannies and pillars included, into art that moves the audience. Now imagine you had to split the space with an artist whose style was polar opposite of your own. How would you make that work? What would you do? What colors would use? What feeling would you create? Max's work was fanciful, colorful, inspiring and fun. He created transitions to the the other artwork that were reminiscent of yin and yang. Not a bad mix for an environment that was supposed to foster creativity and cooperation.

I believe every business owner should have a business relationship with an artist of some kind: musician, sculptor, painter, or rock star to stretch our thinking. My breakfasts with Max always leave me thinking about something new or something old in a different way. The best part about it is that Max doesn't try to stretch my thinking or make me a different person, he is just himself. That's what friends do, I suppose.

Thanks Max.

Great People: Amy

On the first day of first grade, a new girl got on the bus. She was brown-eyed and brown-haired just like me and dressed in a red and white dress. I knew right then that she was my friend. I was right--for more than 35 years now.

I keep reading about twins research that indicates that parenting has little effect on adult personality or outcomes for their children. The research says that about 50% of what makes up your personality, you were born with. The other roughly 50% of influence is chance and your childhood peers. I owe my childhood peers alot.

My childhood peer group changed a little over time like most do, but Amy was there from first grade on. We rode the school bus together and had spats like little kids do. Then we would race to the playground and play victim so other friends would agree with us. I learned to be fast. We played "king of the mountain" after school behind the old community building at 4-H meetings and we camped by the creek on the farm. Older, we talked about boys, teachers, friends, and everything else. Sometimes, we spent more time with other people, but Amy was a mooring for me.

Amy is as good of a person as you can imagine: helpful, giving, and kind. She is amazingly strong, yet she has a wicked sense of humor and is not afraid to clown around with little kids, old folks, and peers alike. She found her calling as a nurse and her patients are better off for it.

As we got older I moved away. Careers, babies, husbands, life happened. I try to see Amy each summer I go home. This summer her oldest daughter married and I was unprepared for the emotion of the wedding. Amy was a champ: giggling and joyful, yet calm and collected.

I am grateful for the 50% of influence Amy and my childhood peers had on my upbringing. Were it not for that foundation, entrepreneurship would not have been nearly so manageable or nearly so funny.

Thanks Amy.

Great People: Missy

Though 100+ degrees does not really feel like fall, the school buses prowling my neighborhood indicate that fall is indeed here. As a parent, I have many hopes for my children as they navigate their classrooms and school, not the least of which is that they find good friends to help them through these 13 years of transition. Good friends are esteem-builders, supporters, sounding boards and brakes for bad decisions. Even helicopter parents can't compete with the influence of good friends.

In my grade school years, I had some great friends that I keep today. Outside of my family, they are the ones still in my circle that have seen me in polyester, majorette uniforms, legwarmers and 80s hair. I saw them, too.

Missy and I played trumpet together in band starting in the 5th grade. By the time we got to middle school, we were always sitting next to each other because we were both "Ws." These coincidences would not have been enough to make a good friend, but her personality certainly was. Bubbly, always smiling, laughing, and looking for innocent mischief, Missy has always been fun to be around.

I remember times in high school when I could not wait to talk to her on the phone after school, even though we had spent the day together. When our parents passed the 10-minute phone call rule, we just took turns calling each other back until we got "No more!" She went to a different college so our frequency of conversation lagged, but the quality never did. We both pursued advanced degrees, professional careers, and both married later; our children were born the same year. Our paths were similar, but our experiences different, and it is nice to talk through it all with someone who knows your history.

So as I think about what I have to offer the world today as a coach and consultant, I surely got early practice solving the problems of the world with my friend Missy, an excellent communicator and friend extraordinaire.

Great People: Other Mothers

As I was dropping my daughter at a summer activity yesterday, I overheard another mother's dilemma of the day. She had been trying to teach her son responsibility, but he ended up at camp with no shoes (been there!). She was trying to figure out her options when another mother piped up that she just happened to have an extra pair in the car because her son is taking swim lessons (and some supplies are just easier left in the car). So the first mother borrowed the shoes and her son was allowed to stay.

As I considered yesterday's post about how important it is for me to know my children are well-cared for before I can do good work, I thought about other mothers. Those women who I may or may not have known well who pitched in when a child is sick, I forgot something, or spilled something, or just needed to pee and there was someone talking on their cell phone in the only stall that was large enough for me and my finally-sleeping baby. Those other mothers have been through my challenges--and more--and have the compassion and compulsion to help, in any way they can.

So for those other moms who sympathetically cooed the first time I left my first-born or explained school policies for me or held the door when my hands were full of grubby fingers or who took my children when the sitter didn't show for the do-or-die client meeting or modeled real and effective parenting, working, and living techniques; I thank you. I promise to pay it forward.

Great People: Childcare Providers

After my first child was born, I happened upon the famous Elizabeth Stone quote:

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Of course everyone said, "Nothing will ever be the same...Kiss your freedom good-bye...No more sleeping in..." and all of those other things we already knew, but there were other truths we did not understand. We did not understand how messy the insides of our cars would become. We did not understand that you can live fully on less than two hours of sleep. We did not know how hard it would be to trust others to take care of our children when we could not. We did not fully comprehend that the care must be trusted and proven before our brains could let go of the worry about their care.

My work would not have been possible seven of the last 10 years without the care providers who taught ABCs and 123s, sang, played, kissed boo-boos, insisted on naps and nutrition so that I could contribute to the world through my work. Those wonderful people are: Nicole, Delia, Robin, Gio, Julie, Jill, Leanne, Pearla, Janessa, Jen, Jenny, Phil, Elaine, Krista, and others who were co-teachers, administrators, or support staff who made my children's days brighter for their presence.

Thank you for your loving care.

Great People: Charles Ward, Dad

Before my husband and I had our first child, we participated in childbirth and parenting classes at our hospital. We received quite an education in those classes on everything from deep breathing to swaddling. One unexpected tidbit I picked up from the nurse, though, was about my own career choice.

At some point in the class we talked about ourselves: our childhoods, our careers, our marriages. It was a nurse who put together for me, after hearing about the way my parents raised me, "No wonder you are a coach and consultant!" Their method of teaching was more experiential and questioning than authoritative. They guided and suggested instead of pushing. And my dad in particular, is a storyteller and a bit of a dreamer.

His experiences range from the Air Force to farmer to entrepreneur to rural Fire Chief, but it is through all of the conversations with my dad over the years that I have gleaned some of my most important pearls of wisdom:

"You have to make your own fun." I had been ice skating on the pond with my siblings and no one wanted to play the game I wanted to play. As I grumped home, I met my dad, who was on his way to join in the games. I told him there was no fun over there. His reply sticks with me and I repeat it to my own children on a regular basis.

"Education is important. No one can ever take it away from you." This is the paraphrased message I heard from Dad over and over throughout the years. Dad does not have a college degree, but he always let us know how much he valued it for us. I believe in education as deeply as I believe in communication; they go hand in hand.

"Carry on!" This is how my dad ended his toast at my wedding reception. The toast was a short and oh-so-sweet endorsement of my new husband, his family, our friends and our life. I'm not sure everyone got it, but I did and it still makes me feel blessed to have my life. My gratitude stems from this appreciation.

When I was young I used to watch Dad walk all over the farm. He called it "walking the perimeter." When his knees went bad, he carried a 5 gallon bucket to rest on when he was tired, but he still made the walk. My perimeter may be a lot smaller, but I like to walk it and see it and live it and dream it, just like my dad.

Thanks Dad.

Great People: Beverly Davenport Sypher, Ph.D., Purdue University

Beverly Davenport Sypher is the Vice Provost for Faculty Affairs at Purdue University and a Professor of Communication Studies.She is a model of elegance and grace, a gifted educator, researcher, and writer.

When she was my academic advisor at the University of Kansas, she was a popular professor and also a Dean for the College of Arts and Sciences. Even though her schedule was packed, she always took the time to work through any writing I submitted. There were no rubber stamps; she thoroughly reviewed, questioned and edited my research and writing. She invited me to phrase it more carefully, ask stronger questions, and consider other alternatives.

Before graduate school, I had been trained as a television journalist. Never one to waste words, TV taught me the power of a sound bite, the 30-second news story, and to write at the level of a fourth grader. Dr. Sypher demanded a different style, to say the least, and my writing and my thinking benefitted greatly.

Dr. Sypher's most lasting gift to me was to carefully guard my words and to be aware of what I say. I can be casual and loose with my language just to fill space or make another person feel more at ease. Dr. Sypher never let the sidebars go. She questioned what I said and made me do the same. Sloppy language indicates sloppy thinking and her vigilance helped me pay attention to both. Fourteen years later I still have a long way to go, but Dr. Sypher gave me my first map.

Thank you, Beverly.

Great People: Deloris Ward, Mom

Mom was working outside the home and raising 5 kids in the rural South when the women’s movement got speed, so it did little to help her situation. Nevertheless, she stood up for herself in her job and was not afraid to walk away if she was caught in unfair conditions or undervalued. Even in my tiny home town, she always found another job and a better opportunity. She has pushed herself over and over to grow and try new things.

When she hit 50 and the kids were almost out of the house, she went back to school and became a nurse. Later, she got her real estate license. She played in a professional country music band and still plays music every chance she gets, with friends or with the band that invites her on stage at the concerts known as “musicals” back home. She can oil paint, play the piano by ear, make amazing chocolate gravy, garden, shoot photography, take care of the cattle, shoot a gun, drive a tractor, give a shot, can fruits and vegetables, write, and do too much other stuff to write here.  She is fascinated by technology and travel and fervent in her politics.

I have always been close to my mom. We are a lot alike. I look like her, have many of her mannerisms and I certainly like to learn new things. I am an entrepreneur because I witnessed her courage, passion, social disposition, humor, and moral integrity.

Thank you, Mom. Happy Mothers' Day.

Great People: Jim Manton, Manton Advisory (www.mantonadvisory.com)

Coaches and consultants advise, cheer, challenge, question, push, and celebrate their clients lives and work. To replenish the energy required to support others, we renew ourselves through rituals a strong network of our own "coaches." I am lucky enough to have in my renewal network a fantastic leadership coach: Jim Manton.

Jim and I first met through Charlie Stewart and came to know each other over countless cups of coffee. He is my model for all that is useful and inspiring about executive coaching. Although coaching is not all that Jim does, it's his ability to hold people accountable to their highest selves that makes him an extraordinary resource. He sees the limitations that his clients put on themselves and pushes them to imagine and live a better way. 

He did all of that for me just by working beside me. Jim is the consummate professional, modeling the best of coaching and consulting. He is a library of knowledge outside of his extensive collection of resources. His experience spans the corporate world, small businesses, executive board membership, non-profits, the military, and much, much more, which he relies upon to guide his clients through transitions and to a better life.

In fact, Jim provides a great model for how to show appreciation and gratitude. Thank you, Jim.

Great People: Charlie Stewart, Stewart Creative Management Corp

I first met Charlie when he was CEO of Chambers Belt Company in Phoenix. He was one of those CEOs in Jim Myers' Rolodex and, wow, what a business mind! He instantly got what I was trying to do, probably even before I did. I was trying to explain how an outsider could help a company with its internal communication (no, not PR, not telecommunication, but the way people talk to each other). For Charlie, it clicked instantly and he practically explained it back to me in the context of an accountability program he was running at Chambers. After that conversation, business made a lot more sense to me.

Charlie and I worked together at Chambers and for other CEOs he knew. We further developed his accountability rewards program and implemented it for others. After all, nothing communicates your values more than where you put your money. I coached his executives on communication and he coached me on running a business.

The thing about Charlie is that not only is he savvy, but he is also a warm and wonderful human being. Even as he gives you the straight talk you need to be better at your work, you fully appreciate him for it. He shares of himself and his challenges to help others learn. He is loyal, and builds others up, not just in private, but publically every chance he gets.

Now, he is a business consultant with a waiting list. The companies that are able to hire him are lucky indeed. I can speak from experience on this one: once you have Charlie Stewart in your corner, your success is all but guaranteed.

Thank you, Charlie.

Great People: Jim Myers, Myers Management and Capital

Jim Myers of Myers Management and Capital runs a Phoenix-based CEO Forum. He has leveraged his years of corporate experience into a consulting firm that has helped countless CEOs, executives and entrepreneurs improve their companies and lives. For me, Jim is the embodiment of generosity.

A colleague recommended that I talk to Jim Myers in 2001 about my fledgling company. Jim not only shared his time and substantial business experience, but he also opened up his Rolodex and put me in touch with three CEOs of local companies. Because of his recommendation, they helped me move my company to the next level. Later, Jim provided opportunities for me to meet prospective clients and present my abilities. Advice, lunch, donuts, resources, connections, and more connections Jim provided me.

Sometimes I bear the weight of debt from receiving so much and being unable to repay Jim for his kindness. Two things help me with this guilt: 1) Jim has showered many entrepreneurs and executives with his gifts and I am but one piece of the legacy he is building throughout our community; 2) I understand the unspoken agreement that it is my job to pay it forward. For the rest of my career, I am responsible for modeling the type of business leadership that Jim demonstrates: generosity, openness, a belief in abundance, support, and kindness. Thank you, Jim.

100 Great People: Start from the Start

I had no intention of starting with my husband. Up until this morning, I had three business leaders in mind to start my 100 people list with. But sometimes the clouds shift and the way becomes clear.

I often get inspiration for the day from a morning hike on the mountain preserve. This morning, I was able to take that desert walk with my husband, Joe. This is a rare event. Work or children usually prevent us from hiking alone together. As we were hiking and talking it occurred to me that Tagali happened out of my marriage to Joe.

You see, Joe and I met and married in our 30s, which to our families, co-workers, and some friends, seemed really old. I remember hearing too many times a statement that is hopefully more rare today, "Why aren't you married?" So finally, after not finding the right person for years and years, I got very clear about what the right person looked like, made a list, and stopped worrying about it. Not long after that, Joe appeared. Not only did he hit all of the high points of my list, he is a great person and perfect for me.

As we were living happily ever after, it occurred to me that other areas of my life could use the same treatment: most of all, my work. If I did not have to settle for a life partner--if I could have exactly who I wanted--I reasoned, I should not have to settle for my life's work. The seed for Tagali was planted, and my real work began.

10 Years of Gratitude

2001 was a memorable year. I got married that spring. The country was shocked by September 11th. My company was incorporated on September 12th.

Those first few months were slow going. I had one client and started networking. I sub-contracted with another consulting company to learn the ropes. I met some wonderful people and logged some great experience. I added a few clients every year, and ten years later, I'm still here.

The emotion I feel most strongly when I think about these 10 years is gratitude. There are so many people I met and worked with along the way who have inspired me, kicked me in the tush, pushed me, listened to me, encouraged me, mentored me, referred me, and paid me. Without them, I would have given up. Without them, it would not have been half as much fun. I am eternally grateful to all of them for their impact on my work and my life.

There are at least 100 people I have to talk about, and I will name names. It's going to take some time to get through the list, all the way up to the anniversary and beyond. Look for their stories, right here, coming in my very next blog.

Leadership Rules

I picked up the book Leadership Rules, by Chris Widener, for my husband a few weeks ago. It's a business parable with the sub-title "How to Become the Leader You Want to Be." I love business parables because they make abstract concepts easy to process. My long-time favorite is The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, by Patrick Lencioni, but I digress.

So the book takes place in Texas, and has a little to do with football and a lot to do with leadership. The "rules" that Widener espouses mirror the rules we use when work with companies on accountability. They are the "simple" rules of leadership that are so difficult to live by. Here they are, directly from Widener's book:
1. You get what you expect.
2. You get what you model.
3. You get what you reward.
4. You get what you work for.

In other words, clearly understand and communicate your expectations (and while you are at it, you may as well set them high), walk the talk, offer rewards for meeting those high expectations, and finally, keep at it for as long as it takes.

Stretch, Breathe, Stretch

I started yoga again this morning and it was great! It's been a several years and a couple of kids ago since I went to a real yoga class. My mind is refreshed, my breathing has been reset and my muscles are still shaking. My awesome instructor, Geraldine, says that it's good when your muscles shake. They are telling you, "Thank you for stretching me!" A prayer I should offer every day.

The Secret to Balanced Living

Okay, so there's no secret. Just like we all know the "secret" to weight loss is to eat healthy foods and get moving, the "secret" to balance is making balance your priority. Oh, we look for all of the short cuts and buy the books and worry and wish, but balance requires the commitment to be balanced. Here's what I do:

1. I have an understanding of what balance means to me. It's different for everyone. Do you need a run every day to keep your sanity? Do your kids know what you look like? Does a worship service give you peace all week? Is your work-life in a critical phase? I write it all down and give it priority. Some of the choices are hard, but I know what's important to me right now.

Even though I want it all, I have given up business travel and the lucrative business it can provide because I choose to be in Phoenix. It is important to my life balance to be here for my family. I try to take the long view and remember that I can travel later if I choose; this phase of my life will not last forever.

2. Say "no." You can have the life you want, but you have to communicate it to others. People will ask me to do things that are not in line with my priorities.However, I have found that people are very respectful if I am clear about what I can do and what I will not do. That requires me to be clear in my head about what matters to me (see Step 1).

When my kids were really little, it was important that they spent more time with me than anyone else. I let them attend preschool three days a week, which gave me only three days per week to schedule meetings. I simply let people know when I was available and when I was not without any long-winded explanations. For special situations I could always find a sitter, but it was rare that I needed to.

3. Get creative. Thank goodness my children are now old enough to hike with me. Exercise and quality time all in one! Sometimes I set up a desk for my daughter in my office so we can go to work together. I do my work and she "works" on her alphabet. I also work evenings or weekends if I need to tend to other commitments through the week. The main thing is that I try to manage everyone's expectations about what I can do and what I cannot. I set realistic deadlines with my clients that I know I can meet or beat (see Step 2) and I let my family know if I need extra time for a project or meeting.

A colleague told me the other day that I am the most balanced person he knows. Once I sat in a meeting of women business leaders and heard someone say that balance was impossible. That steeled my resolve to lead a balanced life. It is possible, but it defies one pat definition. Balance is important to me so I make it work. That's the real secret.

Another Thumbs Up

I have lived in the Valley of the Sun for 15 years now and have on most days had a view of the McDowell Mountains and Tom’s Thumb if I chose to look that direction. (For those of you not familiar with mountains in the Phoenix area, Tom's Thumb is a large, granite rock formation near the top of the McDowell Mountains in Scottsdale, Arizona. As you might imagine, it looks like a thumb poking out of the mountains and is visible from quite a distance.) I have even hiked to see Tom’s Thumb up close a few times. Until yesterday, when I casually ended my blog with “Tom's Thumb giving the whole day a 'thumb’s up',” I had never thought about it as a positive sign or encouragement. You can bet that I will from now on. It drew my eye again this morning.

It’s a great reminder for me that inspiration, motivation, or whatever I am looking for is available at any time if I am willing to open my eyes, my heart, and my mind to finding it.

In the Moment

Many of the most tiresome communication challenges can be solved by "presence." I'm sure you have heard that before. Being in the moment means that you are listening and responding to the person in front of you, not the person you think walked in the room, the person that fits the stereotype, the person they were yesterday, the person HR told you about or even the person you knew when you were a kid. Being in the moment means that you notice what's going on with you: When did your gut tense up? What really made you angry? What do you really want out of this exchange?

But if it is really such a powerful tool that we all know about, why don't we do it all the time? Like anything else, living in the moment takes practice. Yoga and deep breathing are great exercises to help you practice, but finding the time and a quiet place can be difficult in even the most organized life. The best way I have found to practice is to get out in nature.

I like to hike and was fortunate enough to move into a home near the Phoenix Mountain Preserve a few years back. As I head out the door, I am usually deep in some conversation, speech or lament in my mind, but at some point in the hike, I surrender to the desert. If you go to, say, Hawaii, beauty hits you over the head with every tropical flower, waterfall or beach. The desert is much more coy with it's beauty. You have to look up to see the mountain against the impossibly blue sky. You have to pick out that proud saguaro standing in the shadows and you have to pay attention to hear that quail family's panicked conversation as you break up their party. I try to notice as much as I can so that I can still see it in my mind when I need a refresher throughout the day.

Today, the air had a chill, but not quite a bite. The sun guilded, casting the mountains, creosote, cactuses and scrub in a soft light, without blinding. I could see the McDowells, though hazy, to the East, and Tom's Thumb giving the whole day a "thumb's up."

Thank Goodness for the Experts

My cat has had a rough February. One day we got up to find one of her eyes clouded over. We took her to the veterinarian who seemed very concerned. She said that a host of different issues, some terminal, could be causing the inflammation. She gave us some medication to try and a week to see how the cat responded. The cat, Ladybug, never seemed to be in pain and never pawed the eye at all. By the next week the redness had cleared and the eye looked a little better. But by the following weekend, the eye looked red again, and angry. We returned to the vet, who ran a battery of tests and referred us to a veterinary ophthalmologist. Who knew there was such a thing?!

Our vet had given us sage advice, run the appropriate tests and raised our awareness of issues that we needed to know about. She did everything right. However, it was not until our consultation with the eye care specialist that I felt that I understood the scope of the problem and the possible solutions. I now know that I can make the right decisions, no matter what the results of the tests are. That's the power of the expert.

The specific experience, understanding and the language of an expert are worth the extra cost when the stakes are high. Most days a generalist suits me fine. For most topics, general information and rules plus my own powers of logic and research can help me make the decisions I have to make. But if I begin to lose sleep and second-guess my decisions, then I know it's time to call in some help. Whether it's a professional organizer, a coach, a marketing professional or a veterinary ophthalmologist, thank goodness for the experts!

The First Step to Great Communication

As a communication coach, I can help you overcome a fear of public speaking. I can help you determine the best communication structures for your company. I can debate the value and detriment of political correctness and I can help you write a great paragraph. I can even help you tackle that conversation you have been avoiding for years. What I cannot do is make you take care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself is critical to your relationships at work and at home. How many times have you snapped at someone because you were overly tired? How many apologies have you made (or should you have made) because of things you said when you were sick or hungry? The thought that great communicators put into their words cannot be "thunk" if the tank is empty.

So figure out how much sleep you need and get it. Figure out how to have a healthy diet and get some exercise. Figure out if your spirit is getting the nourishment it needs. Then come see me and we will work on the rest of it.

Money Talks...Loudly

I tell my clients all of the time that their compensation system is one of their most powerful communication vehicles.

If your highest-paid employee violates company values, you are telling your team that the values do not matter.

If you give everyone the same pay increase regardless individual performance or company performance, you could be saying either that team matters most, you value equality, or risk/innovation is not a company priority.

If you reward most heavily on longevity, then you are communicating that you value those actions that allow people to stay there over time: Loyalty? Stasis? Quality?

What is your compensation system saying about your company's values?

Accountability During Rough Times

During boom times, we build reward systems to help create an accountable organization. We offer meaningful bonuses for those who help push the company toward and beyond its goals. But now that some companies have watched their bonus pool dry up and the new goal is to stay afloat, how do you create accountability?

It's not enough to parrot unemployment numbers and repeat, "You are lucky you still have a job," to get your employees committed to the company goals. Here's a cautionary tale from a company in a creative industry that is watching its revenues go down.

This company called a meeting with sales personnel and other staff and instituted strict new procedures for their sales team. They handed out a letter with a list of new requirements, including daily logs of all activities and mandatory time in the office for anyone who missed their monthly goals. Their sales force is entirely commission-based, and now most of them are looking for a new opportunity.

Members of the sales team were insulted that they were berated in front of other staff members. Even the most successful among them, with a 20-year track record, has watched her commissions decline with the company's dropped sales.  They say the list of demands will do nothing to convince prospects that their product is worth buying. Some express that the company's previous culture of autonomy and flexibility is their main reason for working there.

Here's the sidenote that demonstrates a huge opportunity missed: the trends indicate their product could survive, and among competitors, it is a phenomenal product.

What if those leaders had instead presented to their team the issues: lower revenues, missed quotas, mixed trend indicators, and customer dissatisfaction; and asked for ideas for what could be done? What if they had asked their seasoned sales team what they needed to make sales easier? What if they had, as a team, tried to figure out a way to address customer concerns? My guess is that they would all be a little more committed to the solution and maybe to the company as a whole.

Sometimes accountability does mean tracking every little step. Sometimes individuals have to give up preferred working styles for the health of the organization. Sometimes team members need help meeting their goals even when they don't want it. In times of crisis, dictatorship is sometimes the best answer.

Rough times do not give the owner of any company the freedom to push too hard. In fact, not only will key employees leave as soon as they can, you can bet that their creativity and commitment to the company in the meantime is dead or dying. That's not in the best interest of anybody. Those companies that make it through the tough economy will be stronger and better for it. There will be a reshuffling of talent on the other side and you want to make sure you are on the right side of the dealer when that day comes.

The Leader's Voice

What does it mean for a leader to find their "voice"? It's not about hoarseness, though with cold season in full swing, it could be. It's not about being "sassy" or "savvy" despite the popularity of those terms. It's not even about saying what you mean, although that helps. It's certainly not about being comfortable.

A leader who has found their voice is authentic. They do and say the right thing, even when it makes them lose the popularity contest. They move others because they speak their truth even while recognizing that other stories hold some truth too. In the mirror at night, they look themselves squarely in the eye and know that they have done their best that day.

Cultivating your authentic voice is lifelong work. It requires that you know your values and recognize when they have changed. It requires learning how to listen, really listen, to the people around you, friend and foe. It requires careful thought, not only about yourself and your own dreams, but the concerns, fears, and triumphs of those you wish to talk to. It requires that you understand that when you open your mouth that what you say matters: it affects you, the people around you, the people around them, and the people around them...

Mahatma Ghandi, who is considered the "Father of the Nation" of India, clearly found his leadership voice. He once said, "The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within."

Find yours. Wake it up. Let it out.

The Courage to Communicate

Being a great communicator takes courage. The root of the word "courage" is the Latin word for "heart." Having courage is having the heart to do the right thing even if it is the hard thing.

Take for example the leader who has an employee that is not acting in accordance with organizational values. I have met a number of these leaders and it is their courage to act that differentiates the good ones. Take Mark, for example, he heard from a number of employees about some questionable actions by a manager. He collected information from all of the stakeholders and made the tough decision to let the manager go. He communicated his decision to the manager, the team and other stakeholders clearly and with integrity. The morale at his company dragged for a short period, but it picked up and they went on to post a great year.

Now, think about Bill, who did not want to hurt the feelings of his employee, no matter how many people complained to him. Finally, after a year of complaints, low morale, and intervention from Bill's own supervisor, he made the decision to let the manager go. Rather than talking directly to the employee, he talked to others and waited until the end of the day to say, "Don't come back." The employee felt blindsided and the co-workers felt that their input had not been heard and that their jobs were not secure. Everyone had hurt feelings that lasted beyond the termination and it took much longer for that organization to recover.

Leading is not easy and courage is not offered in most leadership training classes. Most leaders learn about courage the hard way. Take "heart" this month and look for places in your life where the courage to communicate would make a big difference.

Inspiration: Choose Your Teaching Moments

This one is from the Mom Files: I was helping in my daughter's classroom and another mom brought in her daughter's forgotten lunch. The daughter accepted the lunch bag, walked to the tub where the class keeps the lunchbags until lunchtime, gently placed her bag on top, and pushed it down into the tub with all her might.

My mouth probably dropped open a bit and I waited for the speech I would have given about smashed sandwiches, chips reduced to crumbs and respect for other people's things. The other mom gave her daughter a genuine smile (hiding a laugh, perhaps) and simply said, "Perfect!" Her daughter gave her a winning smile and a kiss and went back to class with a spring in her step.

I think about that exchange a lot. In the grand scheme of things, what is a smashed sandwich? Yet how often do we get hung up on the little things to "teach" our co-workers, employees, or family things "they need to know"? We all know to choose our battles, but what about our teaching moments? Sometimes there is another day to learn a lesson. Sometimes there is a better time to prove we are smart and benevolent teachers. Sometimes, people just need to hear, "Perfect!" and go on about their day.

Happy New Year!

Plenty of people I know are saying, "Good riddance!" to 2010. I feel hesitant to label the year a bad one, despite all of the seemingly negative things that happened. I was shocked to look over a review of all that was contained in 2010: continued economic struggle, political upheaval, war, plane crashes, Wikileaks, the oil spill, Haiti's earthquake, the rescue of the Chilean miners, Sandra Bullock's heartbreak, Tiger Woods transgressions... We move so quickly from catastrophe to scandal and back that a year can become a blur.

My moods are so often predicated on the calendar. Every September I begin to regret living in Arizona as the rest of the country looks for changing leaves and breaks out the sweaters while we continue sweating. I decorate for fall and start to get excited for Christmas. Life gets cozier and cozier as the weather finally cools. We start eating soup and thinking about the meaning of life. As we move closer to the end of the year, it all gets, well, heavy, as we listen to emotional songs and think about our relationships and all of the people that are meaningful to us. Christmas is heavily spiritual, of course, and reviewing the year and planning for the new one are reflective experiences.

By the time the New Year comes I am ready to get rid of the cozy: open the windows, dust everything, give me freshness, trade cinnamon for citrus! The year is new and fresh and clean and stretched before me like a blank canvas or an unwritten page. By spring I'll be longing for flowers and then the beach and evenings that never seem to end. Before I can even wash off all the sunscreen, it will be time to think about apples and the rest of the country in sweaters.

The years change, the news changes, the daily grind changes, I change. But there remains a certain comfort in the predictable mood shifts. Though 2010 is already a blur, it has left me with a certain satisfaction that life is progressing as it should. Everything is okay and will continue to be so, even when the world seems crazy. Life is at once personal and collective as we all turn toward 2011 with hope for a happy and prosperous year.